Friday, April 2, 2010

Things I learned from the movie "Clash of the Titans"

I am not going to beat around the bush on this one. This movie is terrible which makes me a little sad on the inside (I know hard to do since fat kids don't have feelings). The writing, the editing, the acting, the choreography, the special effects, the story ALL BAD!



I am begging you, if you have any fondness for the first one with it campy clay-mation and mechanical owl, STAY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE! if you want to see a movie with a rancor, light saber and sand people watch Star Wars episodes 4 and 5.



So in honor of how just bad this movie was Here is what I learned from the bad movie "Clash of the Titans".



I learned that if you have a crap movie and don't want to tell a story drop the ever convienient "12 years later" text on the bottom of the screen. Yeah, that'll do donkey, that'll do.



I learned that Sam Worthington makes bad movies with Terminator Salvation, Avatar and Clash of the Titans under his belt.



Which oddly enough now that I am sitting to write this Worthington plays a Half man/Half Machine a Half Man/Half Navi and a Half Man/Half god in these three movies.... huge range shown in all three roles with great depth of character. I think he is just a terrible heartless actor.



I learned there are lots of movies that Liam Neeson has been in that I would rather watch including but not limited to:

  • Love Actually

  • The Dead Pool

  • Rob Roy (which is a better version of Brave Heart)

  • Darkman

  • Micheal Collins

  • Batman Begins

  • Kingdom of Heaven

  • Excalibur

  • Krull (which oddly enough I also saw at the Merle Hay Theater many years ago so I guess that closes this little circle up nice and tight)



I learned that Ralph Fiennes must really like playing Voldermort because his Hades performance felt like the same guy.



I also learned that there are lots of movies Ralph Fiennes has been in that I would rather watch including but not limited to:

  • Red Dragon

  • Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

  • Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

  • The Hurt Locker( I am so glad this movie received the awards it did and am saddened that Clash of the titans was able to be remade into what it was.)

  • Maid in Manhattan

  • Strange Days

  • Quiz Show



I learned that Gemma Arterton may have just made my list of 10.



I learned that if the next three movies shown at Merle Hay Theater are the Three trailers we Saw (A-Team, The Losers, and Robin Hood) I will see them all there. Love the giant Screen and the loud sound system.



I learned this movie was a soulless, story less, heartless rip off of the original.



I learned that this movie was a rip off of countless other things: original Clash, Star Wars, Gears of War...... Nothing felt honest or right with it.





Please, in the comment section. promise me you won't see this movie. Or that if you have to see the movie Clash of the Titans promise me you will rent the original.



Lastly we went to F&Os before the movie, and had dinner and played trivia. The first game I got in just in time to win HeHeHe



7 comments:

  1. You've seen it - you can't un-see it.
    A Few Things I learned:
    * giant scorpions are really fast when they want to kill you, but really slow when used as transport
    * guys made of wood basically just scream "Blaaargg" about anything
    * Somehow Perseus got eaten by a scorpion? I think?
    * Hades sounds like he has emphysema
    * it is a terrible idea to even make a joke about the most hated part of the original movie
    * crazy guys like to stick their arms in fire for no apparent reason to the story
    * Although Kracken are really fast swimmers, it takes them about 10 minutes of tentacle flailing before they can heave their bodies above the surface of the water.

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  2. Rusty was almost in tears when he got home. I think a little piece of his soul died last night. BTW, you left Taken off the Liam Neeson movies you'd rather watch.

    Word Verification: Fartid

    Heh heh

    Shannon

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  3. I promise nothing! I've actually never seen the original, but it's in my netflix queue. The only reason that I commented was to thank for referencing Krull. Didn't expect to see that today!

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  4. Krull is classic...was in my Netflix instant watch queue but disappeared before I got around to watching it. I took that as a sign from the gods.

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  5. I did forget Taken, that was what it was promised to be. and as for Krull thad. For weeks we ran around the neighbor hood with thundercat swords and Krull throwing stars. Ah those were carefree times, and I could still run....

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  6. I guess I will have to rent the orig and the new version. Sounds like the new version really sucks though.

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  7. I think this post and comments that follow sealed my fate to not see it. Even after reading bad review after bad review this week, I swore I would still go 'cause the first version is so terribly great. Damn you remakes. Must watch old one again now. - Stover

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I welcome your thoughts and feedback!