Things I learned from the movie Kick Ass

Went to Kick Ass with Mike, Jessica and Keith and I learn a lot from it. So with that here are some of the things I learned from the movie Kick Ass:

YAAAAARRRRRR THERE BE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED.


I learned he was good at getting his ass kicked. So instead of being called Kick Ass, he should have gone by Ass Kick *snort snort*



I learned a good father shoots his daughter with low velocity rounds.



I leaned his name is Dave Lizewski.

I learned that News stations will go to live Internet feeds, even if they are of live tortures then of live executions.

I learned her name is Mindy Macready.



I learned I was finally proven right that - "that which doesn't kill you will make you stronger" is true unless you are set on fire. If you are indeed set on fire, that will probably just kill you.



I learned that "Wait till they get a load of me" sound way cooler from Jack as the Joker then when it comes out of McLovin's mouth.



I learned that if you want to reach Big Daddy and Hit Girl you can contact the mayor and he shines a light into the sky.



I learned that the light that shines in the sky is in the shape of a cock.



I also learned you can just make your web site say you are on vacation and they will find you instead.



I learned that when you get a bazooka no one questions you on it.



I learned that Spiderman themed kids birthday parties are fine, but a Kick Ass themed one? come on.... what are parents thinking?



I learned that if the hot girl in school thinks you are gay then you get to have a sleep overs with her and wear a banana hammock and rub self tanner on her.

I also learned when you show up and tell her you are a super hero and not gay you will get hairspray in the eyes and a tennis racket to the face.

I then learned she will have sex with you. Lots of it.

I learned that simply dressing up in a super suit and jumping off a build won't help you any. Especially if you are an Armenian with mental problems. But because you are in a super suit, the public will applaud your suicide.

I learn the Red Mist had WAAAYYY cooler wheels than Kick Ass.

I learned that $300,000.00 will get you a jet pack. If you want Gatling guns mounted on it you are on you own for that.

I learned that the wood drying microwave is bad for ones health if you are put in it with it turned on.

I learned Dave Lizewski has 34 online friends, Kick Ass has 16,000 and counting.

I learned that being able to feel no physical pain will allow you to take enough of a beating to give a better one out.

I learned if Hit Girl wasn't there Kick Ass would be dead, consequently if Kick Ass hadn't been there Big Daddy would still be alive.

I learned that being shot for real hurts a lot more.

I learned that trained killers will let a little school girl in the door.

I also learned that same school girl will use the technique of one to the chest and one to the dome to confirm her kills.

I learned that $3,000,000.00 in a suitcase is planning for the future.

I learned that Frank D'Amico owes her a childhood.

I learned that I like Craig Ferguson a little more each day.

I learned that if you tell the king pin that a man dressed like Batman ("NO I NEVER SAID HE LOOKED LIKE BATMAN") beat you up and took the coke, he won't believe you.

I learned that taking a teddy bear from a burning build won't seem strange at all if you just brush the question of it off.

I learned that other super heroes will search you out to be your side kick. Don't be alarmed by this, it probably won't be a trap.

I learned that just because you are narrating it doesn't mean you are still alive, go watch American Beauty or something...

and lastly I learned that in America stick is pronounce BASEBALL BAT!

Hy-Vee Fail and a Movie Invite

You are cordially invited to Champps tonight around 7PM for drinks and food and then we (Gubby and Me) are going to the 8:30 showing of KICKASS at the Jordan Creek Theaters. As always, these group dates will be dutch treat.

BE there or be Ell Seven!





and now for the fail. How little do you have to care Hy-Vee Employee that this is what you put out? I mean, really have a little pride and bring it to management's attention.

Things I learned from the Movie "Cop Out"

Went to the movie "Cop Out" staring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan Directed by Kevin Smith.

Couldn't decide what movie to go to last night. When Billy Joe's was still open it was easy, there wasn't a choice. What ever was show we went to, unless it was a non-horror musical. For what ever reason I am so over musicals right now. There were a few movies on the "to choose from list":Brooklyn’s Finest, Cop Out, The Crazies, Crazy Heart. I was feeling that a light comedy was a perfect fit for the night so Cop Out was agreed to albeit begrudgingly with Mike. The movie was exactly what I thought it would be, and homage to 80's cop movie partner flicks.

With all that here a few of the things I learned:

I learned that I may be the only person on Earth that thinks Tracy Morgan is funny. It only took for me to realize that Tracy doesn't act, he really is that person and not playing that person. He is a riot.

I learned to tell us about the chicken

I learned that if coworkers are making fun of you and your partner, call your partner sitting next to you and talk about the co-workers in front of them like they aren't there.. When done hang up and say it was nothing.

I learned some boots you don't wear, they wear you.

I learned they call me Mr. Tibbs

I learned that cop comedies with partners for 9 years is funnier that just paired partners.

I learned that Kevin Smith, while too fat for Southwest Airlines, he can direct something he didn't write

I that learned that if it bleeds we can kill it.

I may be one of the only people that find Tracy Morgan funny. I really started liking him once I realized he doesn't act. What you see on the screen is how he is in real life. And that is indeed funny.

I learned Stiffler likes to do parkour, while his cell mate can knit the fuck out of a sweater.

If you take Earl and remove his beard he turns into a rich dick.

I learned that these are not the droids you are looking for.

If a step dad pays for a wedding the ex-wife feels that gives him the right to give the step daughter away at the wedding.

If the step dad tries to stand up to give her away your partner should put the barrel of his gun in the step dad's back and tell him to sit down

I learned we are going to need a bigger boat.

I learned if you nanny cam you wife to see if she is cheating on you. You should watch it all and not just the sexy beginning.

I learned Adam Brody and Kevin Pollak should be played by [insert like looking actor here ugh cant remember his name] and Robert DeNiro, to which Kevin Pollak will change his face to look just like De Niro

I learned that it is best if your boots are made from endangered animals like sea turtles or zebras

I learned you Told Harpo to beat me.

I learned that while your person you are protecting is being questioned by an interpreter eating chips and salsa can be loud

I learned when Tracy Morgan tries to get a suspect to talk he uses lines from movies

I learned that yes they deserved to die, and I hope the burn in hell.

I learned that nobody puts baby in a corner.

I leaned that Bruce Willis killed 11 people tonight

I learned Duck Season. Rabbit Season

I learned that an Andy Pafko card sold for $83,870.00

I learned Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

I learned it was her gay cousin. IT WAS HER GAY COUSIN!

Song of the day: Elastica "Stutter" just catchy with funny lyrics

Things I learned from the movie The Hangover

yaaaaarrrrrr there be spoilers down below, so proceed with caution. Ye have been warned.


Mike, Jamie Lou and I went to the movie last week and we had a dashingly good time. We laughed, we cried, we came together closer as a group.

Actually, we just laughed.

So with all that here are some things I learned from watching The Hangover.

I learned that tigers like pepper, but hate cinnamon.

I learned that even though you may find Mike Tyson sweet, the guy that got punched by him might still find him a mean man.

I learned that they may have given out rings at the holocaust.

I learned that if you find a baby you should name him Carlos.

I learned that a wolf pack of four will wander the desert searching for strippers and cocaine.

I learned it is funny because he is fat.

I learned that next weekend is no good because the Jonas Brothers are in town.

I learned that counting cards, like masturbating on a plane, isn't illegal, just frowned upon.

I learned that since 9/11 that both counting cards and masturbating is probably illegal. Thanks Bin Laden!

I learned that some drug dealers don't know the difference between ecstasy and roofies.

I learned that better names for toofies inclue dropsies and floorsies.

I learned that if you friends call you Dr Faggot, your girlfriend will too.

I learned that Zach GalifianaKis shouldn't be within 200 feet of a school...or a Chuck-E-Cheese.

I learned that leaving a phone message is cool, but leaving a text is gay.

I learned that if you dare an insecure dentist to tear out his own tooth, he'll do it.

I also learned that will make him look like a nerdy hillbilly.

I learned that in fact, what ever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Even if you destroy your future father-in-law's classic car.

And lastly, I learned that if you marry a hooker while blacked out from drugs and alcohol it is probably better that that woman at home. As she is a heartless woman that had sex with a bartender on a cruise ship.

HELL BOY and Birthday gift

Oh, big red, you disappoint me.

I learned I was expecting waaaaayyyyyy toooooo much for this movie. Probably because I kinda liked the first. This one felt like they were just going through the motions, only this time they had 75 Million for special effects instead of 5 Million. I don't even have the energy to write all of the things that I hated about this movie (not sure when I turned so cynical, probably around the time the Palin was deemed worth fo the VP nomination. I am not even a political type of guy, but man does the hypocracy of the republican party this week piss me off. Like some how trotting your 17 year old daughter and her unborn bastard child out is a rallying call for the party. What is going on in the world? Use a rubber losers.)

Larry tells me there are things in this life that are meant to be Fantasy, and I get it. I live in fantasy land most of my life. Less now that I am not in College, but I still live there. This movie is pure fantasy, bu that doesn't let them off from silly things like tossing Hell boy through concrete (makes him madder) and then hitting him in the face with a locker room locker door (almost knocks him out). Things like this are not excussable...... I give this movie a D+. Next week is Hancock, and I am really excited for this one. **EDIT** Tuesday night will be the night for the movie for me as the Vikings will smash the Packers on Monday **EDIT**....

GUBBY actually did have a birthday gift for me, not that I ever doubted him.... It was an Autographed copy of "A Feast of Crows" from George R.R. Martin (my favorite author... maybe Piers Anthony, But he IS probably number one) The series (hopefully) is being made into a show on HBO. They are going to turn "A Song of Fire and Ice" into a mutli-part show. His series began in 1996 with "A Game of Thrones" and the intention is to have each of the series' 4 novels fuel one season each. As each novel is at or exceeding 1,000 pages a season should be no issue for each book. SO thanks for the gift Mike, time to read the 4 books again and hope (pray) that "A Dance with Drgons" will ever get turned out. It was to come out literally years ago, but he isn't happy with it so it waits. in the mean time I guess I can read them all again. So here is to hoping that Jon Snow, Tyrion, Daenerys and the rest will soon be available for consumption!

It look s a bit like this (can't find the camera to take a pic)


From the rest of the Fam-damn-ly I got an I-pod Nano, great Polo Shirts, I-tunes cards, Madden 2009 for the x-box, and bottle of Hennesy and Rosetta Stone Spanish among other things. All in all a pretty good haul if you ask me. And as always, everyone is way too generous.....