Things I learned from the movie Kick Ass

Went to Kick Ass with Mike, Jessica and Keith and I learn a lot from it. So with that here are some of the things I learned from the movie Kick Ass:

YAAAAARRRRRR THERE BE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED.


I learned he was good at getting his ass kicked. So instead of being called Kick Ass, he should have gone by Ass Kick *snort snort*



I learned a good father shoots his daughter with low velocity rounds.



I leaned his name is Dave Lizewski.

I learned that News stations will go to live Internet feeds, even if they are of live tortures then of live executions.

I learned her name is Mindy Macready.



I learned I was finally proven right that - "that which doesn't kill you will make you stronger" is true unless you are set on fire. If you are indeed set on fire, that will probably just kill you.



I learned that "Wait till they get a load of me" sound way cooler from Jack as the Joker then when it comes out of McLovin's mouth.



I learned that if you want to reach Big Daddy and Hit Girl you can contact the mayor and he shines a light into the sky.



I learned that the light that shines in the sky is in the shape of a cock.



I also learned you can just make your web site say you are on vacation and they will find you instead.



I learned that when you get a bazooka no one questions you on it.



I learned that Spiderman themed kids birthday parties are fine, but a Kick Ass themed one? come on.... what are parents thinking?



I learned that if the hot girl in school thinks you are gay then you get to have a sleep overs with her and wear a banana hammock and rub self tanner on her.

I also learned when you show up and tell her you are a super hero and not gay you will get hairspray in the eyes and a tennis racket to the face.

I then learned she will have sex with you. Lots of it.

I learned that simply dressing up in a super suit and jumping off a build won't help you any. Especially if you are an Armenian with mental problems. But because you are in a super suit, the public will applaud your suicide.

I learn the Red Mist had WAAAYYY cooler wheels than Kick Ass.

I learned that $300,000.00 will get you a jet pack. If you want Gatling guns mounted on it you are on you own for that.

I learned that the wood drying microwave is bad for ones health if you are put in it with it turned on.

I learned Dave Lizewski has 34 online friends, Kick Ass has 16,000 and counting.

I learned that being able to feel no physical pain will allow you to take enough of a beating to give a better one out.

I learned if Hit Girl wasn't there Kick Ass would be dead, consequently if Kick Ass hadn't been there Big Daddy would still be alive.

I learned that being shot for real hurts a lot more.

I learned that trained killers will let a little school girl in the door.

I also learned that same school girl will use the technique of one to the chest and one to the dome to confirm her kills.

I learned that $3,000,000.00 in a suitcase is planning for the future.

I learned that Frank D'Amico owes her a childhood.

I learned that I like Craig Ferguson a little more each day.

I learned that if you tell the king pin that a man dressed like Batman ("NO I NEVER SAID HE LOOKED LIKE BATMAN") beat you up and took the coke, he won't believe you.

I learned that taking a teddy bear from a burning build won't seem strange at all if you just brush the question of it off.

I learned that other super heroes will search you out to be your side kick. Don't be alarmed by this, it probably won't be a trap.

I learned that just because you are narrating it doesn't mean you are still alive, go watch American Beauty or something...

and lastly I learned that in America stick is pronounce BASEBALL BAT!

Hy-Vee Fail and a Movie Invite

You are cordially invited to Champps tonight around 7PM for drinks and food and then we (Gubby and Me) are going to the 8:30 showing of KICKASS at the Jordan Creek Theaters. As always, these group dates will be dutch treat.

BE there or be Ell Seven!





and now for the fail. How little do you have to care Hy-Vee Employee that this is what you put out? I mean, really have a little pride and bring it to management's attention.

Movie Review - Green Zone

Went with Mike to the movie Green Zone starring Matt Damon. There wasn't much funny to learn from the this movie. Fictional Movies trying to find the why, where , when and why of how we were lead to believe there were WMDs in Iraq do not make for funny blogging fodder. A lot of people have given way too much for something that has been shown to be a terrible mistake at best and (as the movie portrays it) the biggest kind of treachery at the worst.

With that said here are a few things I learned from the movie Green Zone:

• I learned that I chuckle every time I hear a a radio conversation contain the word "Niner"
• I learned that every time I see Matt Damon's name or face for the first time on a movie I say out loud "Maaattt Daaammonnn" Thanks Matt Parker and Trey Stone, you have ruined his name for me.
• I learned that after the bad guy gets shot in the movie, and the guy's phone behind you in the theater starts ringing to "Our God, is an Awesome God" it kinda sounded like it was part of the soundtrack at first.

So there is a new movie coming out called "Marmaduke". I wonder what it could be about.

This shot is to show that you dontt have a big enough room to take this promotional piece home. That or is show Mike is actually just a lilliputian.

There were some pretty good trailers. So in lieu of a song here are 2 movies I am looking forward to seeing: