Things I learned from the movie "50/50"

Went to the movie "50/50" a few weeks back and it was a nice little movie with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen.  Seth Rogen already made an unfunny version of this movie with Adam Sandler called oddly enough "Funny People"

I give the movie a B, and call it not for children under 16.  With that, here is what I learned:

• I learned that at 50/50 if he were Vegas, he would have the best odds.

• I learned that even though you don't drink or smoke and even wait for the crosswalk to say "walk" when you are out jogging, you still might get cancer.

• I learned that you mother might have a hard time coping if you have cancer and you father has Alzheimer's at the same time.

• I learned that you refusing to take your mother's calls during this time, might be a pretty dick move.

• I learned that they tried to make his girlfriend out to be a monster, but I didn't feel she was that mean to him.

• I learned that telling someone they can leave and don't have to be with you, might end up with you getting the opposite of what you wanted.

• I learned that if you get a skinny rescue greyhound and you can see his bones, the only logical name for him is Skeletor.

• I learned that after you get cancer that is the time to start smoking pot.

• I learned that pot won't be yours by prescription, but your buddy's because he has bad night vision, something about the rods in his eyes.

• I learned that telling women you have cancers is a good pick up line that you should get into as quickly as possible in a conversation.

• I learned that is actually wrong and just is creepy.

• I learned if you don't try and pick up chicks because of your cancer, your best friend will.

• I learned that if you are writing a piece on a volcano, bust take a while to get it on the air, that volcano my just erupt.

• I learned that if you seem pathetic enough you brand new shrink might fall for you.

• I learned that your shrink might not like you throwing out her dinner with the rest of the trash from her car as you clean it out.

• I learned what you are going through is probably normal, but that doesn't make it any better.

• I learned if you are an artist and no one comes to your opening to buy anything, that is probably a bad thing.

• I learned that it is probably a worse thing if your art is improved with a knife and fire.

• I learned if you have a really bad cancer and the chemo doesn't help, they can do a surgery and tell you everything is fine a few hours later.

• I learned that if you are putting ointments in to your friend's back wound you probably should not use you pinky finger, but the cotton swabs next to you.

• And lastly I learned that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is looking a whole lot like Heath Ledger.

Next up, things I learned in the movie "Real Steel"


Song of the day, give the video a chance, it starts creepy and gets stranger from there.:

Things I learned from the movie "Drive"

Went to the movie "Drive" some weeks back.  I really enjoyed it.  A movie about a man that obviously has been there and done that when it comes to the bad things in life, but just can't seem to ever get out of the game even though he seems to be trying to do the right thing.


YAAAAARRRRRR THERE BE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED, but as you haven't seen this movie yet, you probably never will so read on!

• I learned I think women like men that talk very little. I think Ryan Gosling said 20 words in the first 4 scenes. In the second scene he might not have said one word.

• I learned that even though I am not shocked easily, I found it a little shocking when a woman's head popped off from a shotgun blast.

• Additionally, I learned her head getting popped off was not nearly as shocking as the man with the shotgun getting a towel rod plunged into his jugular so he could bleed to death.

• I learned that I was happy that I did already know the story of the scorpion and the frog.

• I learned that him wearing a scorpion jacket was a little over the top.

• I learned the mixing of '80s sounds and fonts and '10s cars and places was a strange combination.

• I learned that if you get blood on your favorite scorpion jacket, you don't clean it, you just keep wearing it. No one in LA will care.

• I learned that when Ryan Gosling slowly disappeared behind a door, it made me think of Jon Luvitz, and that made me laugh.

• I learned that breaking into you employers office to steal a mask you used in a movie for a stunt so you can kill a guy in the ocean seems like a lot of work that wasn't needed.

• I learned that a 300 with a Hemi will keep up just fine with a Boss Mustang.

• I learned that if you give the next door kid a bullet and tell him to hold onto it, Ryan Gosling will hold onto it for him.

• I learned after hammering the man's hand that gave the kid the bullet he will then contemplate hammering the bullet through the man's forehead.

• I learned that strippers out in California must have really "seen it all" because as they watch their boss get his hand and face hammered they will just sit there like it is another day in the office.

• I learned that if you just pull into a parking garage near the Staples Center as a game is letting out, you can just walk past cops looking for you.

• I learned that some women are surprisingly understanding when you literally stomp a man's head off that was going to kill her. Probably because you just made out with her.

• I learned it is probably a bad idea to do additional business with they guy that broke your hip the last time you did business with him.

• I learned that a tooth pick is vital to the cool vintage look.

• I learned that you get five minutes, anything happened before or after that, not his problem.

• I learned that if you want to impress you neighbor and her kid, take them for a ride down the storm water runoff in LA, then play in the pond at the end.

• I learned that if you recognise Ryan Gosling from a previous job and ask him to be your wheel man again you should shut your mouth or he will kick your teeth down your throat and shut if for you.

• I learned that the interest fee charged by some guys for protection in jail can get out of hand very quickly.

• And lastly I learned that Ron Pearlman couldn't find pussy in a whorehouse.

Next up, things I learned in the movie "50/50"

A text exchange with my friend Jesse

Jesse: Check ur fucking phone!!! We have a ver y important question for u  

Me: fuck. sorry it was downstairs... What's up?
Me: Bob Costas pees sitting down?

Jesse: Who punched me in the face? We don't remember

Me: Hahahahahahahahahaha it was the fake kick to the balls that made you drop your hands. From............  
Me: Roland spenser

Jesse: Yes!!
Jesse: debate solved  
Jesse: We couln't remember
Jesse: That was anit climactic. We thought it was someone else

Me: Sorry. I may have it wrong..... I think mike tyson punched you

Jesse: I like that story better; it makes me more awesome

Me: What name did you want? Slammer? Ho? Davey crocket? Shelf?

Jesse: Oooooooooo hitler. I took a punch from hitler ...and won

Me: Hahaha or Kim jung Il when he was ronery  

Jesse: Soooo ronrey....

FINI

Coming up soon, what I learned from "Drive" and "50/50", and heck anything else that I find amuses myself I guess.

Song of the day:

Things I Learned from the movie "Moneyball"

Mike, Keith and I went to "Moneyball" last night, and it was a pretty ok movie.  Much better than "Transformers 3", and I actually liked it more than "Warrior".

YAAAAARRRRRR THERE BE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED, but as this is a movie based loosely on actual events nothing too earth-shattering is contained.

• I learned that people that don't chew tobacco in real life, look very uncomfortable doing in on film.

• I learned that Billy Beane let money make his choice for him, and he would never do it again.

• I learned that he turned down $12,5000,000.00 to be the GM for the BoSox

• I learned that I personally think that Brad Pitt and Robin Wright would make a much better looking kid than Kerris Dorsey.

• I learned that in 2002 the A's paid $240,000.00 in salaries per win. That Same year the Yankees paid $1,4000,000.00 per win for the same number of wins.

• I learned that Art Howe wasn't on board with the whole "moneyball" theory.

• I learned that in order to get Howe to play Hatteberg at first he traded the probable rookie of the the year and all-star Pena.

• I learned being forced to fired people is dumb.

• I learned when your plan works out and your start winning, people will say there is not reason other than luck.

• I learned that Billy Beane was superstitious about attending the games.

• I learned that if your daughter seems smarter than you you should tell her that planes crash all the time as she is about to board a plane(1 year after 9/11), as that'll show her.

• I learned that if you are superstitious you will get much more fit if you just work out for 3 hours during every game.

• I learned that losing isn't fun

• I learned that Billy Beane hates losing more than he likes winning.

• I learned that silence is the sound of losing.

• I learned that 40 games of Pena starting at first will make you flip you desk, litteraly.

• I learned that is movie was filmed when Jonah Hill was still fat Jonah Hill.

• I learned when you lose the last game of the season nothing else matters.

• I learned Billy Beane didn't really care for his ex wife's new husband.

• I learned if your kid is an accomplished guitar player she will pick out new guitars on how they look, not how they sound.

• I learned that good parenting advise is to stay off the internet, and don't read, or talk to people.

• I learned that silence is the sound of losing.

• I learned that the A's blew an 11 run lead to win 20 games in a row, but Hatteberg hit a home run to secure the win and the record for 20 wins in a row.

• I learned that players don't like paying a dollar for soda in the club house, additionally I learned that you can get three years worth of soda when trading a player to another team.

• And Lastly, I learned that when Billy Beane points at you that is when you talk..

Up next Iowa State vs. Texa$ in Ames on Saturday Night, FX game of the week, should be a good one!

Things I learned from the movie "Warrior"

The movie last week was "Warrior" I would describe it as a trying to do better, while following in the footsteps, while hating your father, while being down on your luck kind of movie.

Mike, Angie and I did it up right that night, got there a little early even, which was a nice change from the usual for this rag-tag group of heathens.  So with peanut butter M&Ms in hand here is what I learned form the movie "Warrior"


YAAAAARRRRRR THERE BE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED.

• I learned that Paddy Conlon doesn't have a woman around not because he doesn't like them, more because they can't take a punch like they used to.

• I learned that I didn't recognize Tom Hardy with hair after seeing him in "Bronson" (which I recommend as a mind eff along the lines of "A clockwork orange".

• I learned that Tom Hardy must lift a few weights in real life.

• I learned that Kurt Angle can play a really convincing Russian bad ass..

• I learned that the youtube video of Mad Dog getting beat up wasn't a fluke.

• I learned that if you did on the street what happened to the Mad Dog in the ring, you'd go to jail.

• I learned that Tommy liked his dad better when his dad drank.

• I learned that Tommy found out he was wrong.

• I learned that Paddy wanted Ahab to turn his boat around.

• I learned that Brendan used to be one of those animals.

• I learned that there is a difference to fighting in a parking lot next to a strip club and fighting in a strip club.

• I learned that the superintendent of schools might not agree with that.

• I learned that if you somehow go AWOL from a battle zone and they find you much later using a different name they will let you finish your fighting tournament before taking you into custody

• I learned that not only will they wait until after the tourney, but after the fight they will let you walk back to the locker rooms and all of the MPs will be nowhere to be seen.

• I learned that Tommy took a lot of pills.  You could tell how many bottle he was carrying just by the sound.

• I learned that that Tommy must have the strength of 100 men, as he tore the door of a sinking tank.

• I learned that you have to have a training montage, even rock had a montage.

• I learned that it is sometimes funny seeing people play themselves in movies.

• I learned that Tapout seems to be doing fine without Mask.

• I learned that 2 unknown people will just be let into a 16 man tourney to find the best fighter in the world. 

• I learned that the bank can't help you if the city re-values your house at a lower price.

• I learned that the banker doesn't know how lucky he is scoffing at a high school physics teacher's decision to spend the extra money from his refinancing of his home to pay for a life saving procedure on his daughter. As the teacher will turn out to be the baddest man on the planet and could have easily chocked the banker to death.

• Lastly, I  learned that at the time I thought this movie was great, but as the days have passed by I now think this movie was fine.  A little silly, a lot formulaic, and kind of boring.  I give it a B-, also it is better than "Transformers 3"

Next movie I am guessing will be "Moneyball" because hey, I love the A's, and it looks to be pretty good.

Song of the day, let's take it to a darker place this time:

hmmmm embedding disabled on my first choice: http://youtu.be/v_09wFxoaeQ
so we will go like this for number 2! Best Metal song ever IMO:

Things I learned from the movie "Apollo 18"

Well, the Merle Hay Cinema had "Apollo 18" on the big screen, so it was decided that was the movie for the night.  I was going to be joined by Keith, Mike and Angie for this awesome movie experience.  I beat the other three to the movie theater, bought my ticket and was the first one in.

I know it is hard to see, but it is kind of a creepy place when you are the only one in there.

I got the reaction I was looking for when I hear Mike laughing all the way from the back as I had chosen to sit in the front row right in the middle.  I am not sure why as children we ever thought that was a cool place to be, maybe because to the bigness of it all, maybe because kids are dumb, I guess I will never know.  After moving to the perfect seats both visually and sound wise we settled in for the movie. see below for the trailer that grabbed my attention the most.

With that here are the things I learned from the movie Apollo 18:

YAAAAARRRRRR THERE BE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED.

• I learned that in preivious moon mission 840 pounds of rocks were brought back to earth.

• I learned that most of those rocks were given away as gifts to foreign leaders or stolen

• I learned that Apollo 17 was the last official trip to the moon.

• I learned that Russian moon landers look and work pretty much like the American ones

• I learned that their suits were not rated to go into the cold of the craters.

• I learned that Russian cosmonauts did not have tread on their boots

• I learned that Russia can just patch you over to the American DoD in real time.

• I learned that flashlights are over rated, using your flash from  your camera is a much better way to search in the dark

• I learned that even in space NASA will require you to shave.

• I learned that putting your balls in a glass of milk can make the jalapeno pain go away

• I learned that the government's need to know basis goes away when they know you are going to die, once they know that they will tell you everything, even though the Russians are still listening.

• I learned that they government will then let you know that they will let your family know you died as a hero.

• I learned that if you make a choice between peas and carrots, you will be given the opposite of what you ask for.

• I learned that his wife left him because he snores

• I learned that he doesn't snore

• I learned that the government will give you a 60 second count down if you are disobeying a direct order to leave your infected friend.

• I learned that moon aliens that look like spiders will make me sing "ROOOOOCK LOBSTER" every time I see one.

• I learned that while "Ice Pirates" had space herpes, it looks like the moon has rock crabs.

• I learned that moon aliens hate flags, and rovers for that matter.

• I learned that if these astronauts hadn't died on a mission that never existed "Top Gun" may have had some different players

• I learned that if the moon rocks are actually spider aliens, the 840 pounds brought back to earth might be a bad thing.
• I learned that if you ever have trouble sleeping, buy this movie on DVD, pop it in the player and nighty night, it is the land of Nod for you.
• Lastly I learned that this movie was better than Transformers 3

So I am sure there are tons more, but this move was pretty "Meh"  like Blair Witch meets Jason X meets Transformers.  I give it a C-.

Saw a few trailers the only one that really stuck out to me was "In Time" starring JT:




Song of the Day, still sad I turned down the guy's offer at the record store to go to Omaha and see them.  I mean why would a 16 year old want to go with strangers to a concert....ugh:


Here is some thing that was just suggested on the side from youtube, and I really liked it. the style gangster country, the genre? High. the result? FANTASTIC!

Movie Invite for 8-11(this is tonight Thursday ;)

Joe's Pub in Johnston after work for beers and pizza!

Going to "Cowboys and Aliens" at the Cobblestone at 7PM.

Holler if you think you are coming.





Song/video of the day:

Things I learned form the movie "Horrible Bosses"

This movie was entertaining, nothing real new or over the top that makes it a must see. But I had a few good laughs. I'd give it a B- for a grade and say that it is a "must see" compared to "Transformers 3". Not for children, drugs and language violence and a little sex.... So with that here are the things I learned watching "Horrible Bosses"

• I learned that when murder is your central theme, the reasons presented feel pretty flimsy when they don't center around revenge and or retribution.

• I learned that Jennifer Aniston is pretty smoking hot, I think even more so now than before.

• I learned that Jennifer Aniston eating a popsicle, banana, and finally a hot dog was pretty sexy.

• I also learned that her eating them in that order is weird, as it isn't a proper meal.

• I learned that if you drag race in a Prius you probably won't win a lot.

• I learned that as much as I love Charlie Day, I don't think he acts, I think he just says lines.

• I learned that Kevin Spacey pretty much crushes anything he ever does, and it probably isn't easy to shoot a scene with him if he is the only other one in the shot.

• I learned that if you are going to use the dust buster to suck up cocaine, you should empty the dust filter first.

• I learned that Colin Farrell can play some pretty funny characters.

• I learned that Colin Farrel playing a coke head sex addict loser seemed to come pretty natural to him.

• I learned that Ron White playing a cop in a movie made me think "Why is Ron White play a cop in a movie?"

• I learned that street name of Mother Fucker Jones, has different meaning than Mother Fuck Over Jones to people not from the neighborhood.

• I learned that Danny DeVitto was in Hitchcock's 'Strangers on a Train'.

• I learned that was actually 'Throw Mamma from the Train' with Danny DeVitto.

• I learned that if you pee on a children's playground at midnight you will end up on the sex offender registry.

• I learned that you will claim is is entrapment to have a playground next to a bar.

• I learned that if you bootleg 'Snow falling on Cedars' you will get 10 years in prison.

• I learned that Americans can't pronounce Gregory's real name.

I am sure there were more, but that is what the comment section is for....
Next "things I learned" installment will be on Harry Potter 7.2

Movie Invite for 7-27(that is Wednesday)

I'll have the things I learned from Horrible bosses later this week...

Movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 (Electric Boogaloo):
Movie Starts at 7:00 PM I am going to Joe's Pub in Johnston before (after work getting there after 4) for beers and pizza.
Who: You
What: HP 7.2
When: Wednesday July 27 - 7:00 PM
Where: Merle Hay Mall Cinema
3800 Merle Hay Road, Des Moines IA 50310 | (515) 252-0804
Why: Because. Mike will be there, that is cool. And this movie will be way better than Transformers 1, 2, and 3 combined(not that says too much the Transporter 1, 2, and 3 combined are better than Transformers 1, 2, and 3 combined).



Another fun new map!



and the Video of the Day! Something about this that I really like....

Movie Review: "Transformers 3" and Invite to "Horrible Bosses"

Kind of thought I would kill two birds with one stone here and write a review of Last weeks movie Transformers 3, and extend and invite to This weeks movie Horrible Bosses

Movie review Transformers 3:
My review is as follows: Do NOT see this movie, it is terrible. I hate myself more today than I did the day before because I saw it. You have been warned. If you have already been to this movie, I am thinking of starting a support group for recovery.

Movie Invite Horrible Bosses:
Movie Starts at 7:10 PM I am planning on going to Joe's Pub in Johnston before (after work getting there a little before 5) for beers and pizza.
Who: You
What: Horrible Bosses
When: Thursday July 21 - 7:10 PM
Where: Carmike Cobblestone 9
8501 Hickman Road, Des Moines IA 50322
Why: Because. Mike will be there, that is cool. And this movie will be way better than Transformers.



This is me fancying it up, with maps and labels! Got to love technology!



Video of the day, my back up chick Ke$ha and Blow: Just like Yesterday's vid, stick with it, it gets pretty good!

You are all invited

Wednesday August 11, 2010 at 7:45 we are going to Winnebago Man
VARSITY THEATRE
25th & University
Des Moines
Across from Drake University

Winnebago Man is a 2010 American documentary feature film directed by Ben Steinbauer that follows the Internet phenomenon created by a series of twenty-year-old outtakes from a Winnebago sales video featuring profane outbursts from the salesperson, Jack Rebney. Originally intended as an inside joke, the video spread across the globe first on VHS tape then via YouTube and other online video sites, earning the salesman the title of "The Angriest Man in the World". The documentary explores the story of the clip’s origin and how, two decades later, it affects the man who never even knew it existed.

This movie is Not Rated, however contains FOUL language! THIS INCLUDES THE TRAILER BELOW! Ye HATH BEEN WARNED so turn it down if at work!

Things I learned from the movie Kick Ass

Went to Kick Ass with Mike, Jessica and Keith and I learn a lot from it. So with that here are some of the things I learned from the movie Kick Ass:

YAAAAARRRRRR THERE BE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED.


I learned he was good at getting his ass kicked. So instead of being called Kick Ass, he should have gone by Ass Kick *snort snort*



I learned a good father shoots his daughter with low velocity rounds.



I leaned his name is Dave Lizewski.

I learned that News stations will go to live Internet feeds, even if they are of live tortures then of live executions.

I learned her name is Mindy Macready.



I learned I was finally proven right that - "that which doesn't kill you will make you stronger" is true unless you are set on fire. If you are indeed set on fire, that will probably just kill you.



I learned that "Wait till they get a load of me" sound way cooler from Jack as the Joker then when it comes out of McLovin's mouth.



I learned that if you want to reach Big Daddy and Hit Girl you can contact the mayor and he shines a light into the sky.



I learned that the light that shines in the sky is in the shape of a cock.



I also learned you can just make your web site say you are on vacation and they will find you instead.



I learned that when you get a bazooka no one questions you on it.



I learned that Spiderman themed kids birthday parties are fine, but a Kick Ass themed one? come on.... what are parents thinking?



I learned that if the hot girl in school thinks you are gay then you get to have a sleep overs with her and wear a banana hammock and rub self tanner on her.

I also learned when you show up and tell her you are a super hero and not gay you will get hairspray in the eyes and a tennis racket to the face.

I then learned she will have sex with you. Lots of it.

I learned that simply dressing up in a super suit and jumping off a build won't help you any. Especially if you are an Armenian with mental problems. But because you are in a super suit, the public will applaud your suicide.

I learn the Red Mist had WAAAYYY cooler wheels than Kick Ass.

I learned that $300,000.00 will get you a jet pack. If you want Gatling guns mounted on it you are on you own for that.

I learned that the wood drying microwave is bad for ones health if you are put in it with it turned on.

I learned Dave Lizewski has 34 online friends, Kick Ass has 16,000 and counting.

I learned that being able to feel no physical pain will allow you to take enough of a beating to give a better one out.

I learned if Hit Girl wasn't there Kick Ass would be dead, consequently if Kick Ass hadn't been there Big Daddy would still be alive.

I learned that being shot for real hurts a lot more.

I learned that trained killers will let a little school girl in the door.

I also learned that same school girl will use the technique of one to the chest and one to the dome to confirm her kills.

I learned that $3,000,000.00 in a suitcase is planning for the future.

I learned that Frank D'Amico owes her a childhood.

I learned that I like Craig Ferguson a little more each day.

I learned that if you tell the king pin that a man dressed like Batman ("NO I NEVER SAID HE LOOKED LIKE BATMAN") beat you up and took the coke, he won't believe you.

I learned that taking a teddy bear from a burning build won't seem strange at all if you just brush the question of it off.

I learned that other super heroes will search you out to be your side kick. Don't be alarmed by this, it probably won't be a trap.

I learned that just because you are narrating it doesn't mean you are still alive, go watch American Beauty or something...

and lastly I learned that in America stick is pronounce BASEBALL BAT!

Hy-Vee Fail and a Movie Invite

You are cordially invited to Champps tonight around 7PM for drinks and food and then we (Gubby and Me) are going to the 8:30 showing of KICKASS at the Jordan Creek Theaters. As always, these group dates will be dutch treat.

BE there or be Ell Seven!





and now for the fail. How little do you have to care Hy-Vee Employee that this is what you put out? I mean, really have a little pride and bring it to management's attention.

Movie Review - Hot Tub Time Machine

After "Clash of the Titans" anything would have to be better, at least that is what I told myself. So it was just Me and Gubby off to the movies last night and it was "Hot Tube Time Machine", I can't lie... I was looking forward to this one. It didn't matter to me that Cas and Tad Chilly didn't want to come, it didn't matter that Floyd couldn't make it, it didn't matter if Cas asked the magic 8-ball on my palm pre if "Cam will hate the move tonight" and it said "it is decidedly so" it didn't matter that 3 follow up questions to the 8-ball all confirmed I was going to hate the movie, I wanted to see it!

The night started off good, $1.00 bottles of beer at Joe's Pub in Johnston. Can't go wrong with that! And they had pizza too, so beer and pizza for dinner, hanging with Tad Chilly and C-razy good good good.

Then I had a sign that the movie was going to be just what the doctor ordered (I wonder who came up with that as a phrase). Walking to the theater I saw this in a car window. A CAMel, it doesn't get much better than that I think.

We saw a couple of previews... Kick Ass which I am geeked for.... The Loser also excited to see and I saw the first full length Nightmare on Elm Street trailer in the theater... Let's just say that Freddy isn’t looking to be into campy fun in this one. The trailer closed with him yelling "WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING? I HAVEN’T EVEN CUT YOU YET!" HaHa oh Freddy, you so funny.

If you are going to the movie and haven't yet hear me now!

YAAAAARRRRRR THERE BE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Things I learned from the movie "Hot Tub Time Machine"

I learned that if you break the third wall and stare into the camera after saying "Maybe it is a hot tub time machine" a la Mr Roper from Three Company it is not only funny, but lets the watchers know your aren't taking yourself too seriously.

I learned that in real life if you lean over to your buddy and ask if you just saw Chevy Chase for a split second in the hot tub painted up like Beetle Juice and one minute later Chevy Chase is on the screen, you just may have indeed seen him for a split second only a minute ago.

I learned that if you barf on a squirrel after time traveling it may come back to haunt you with that squirrel getting revenge and ruining "The Drive" for Denver, thus losing you thousands of dollars and forcing you to perform and oral trick on your male friend. Remember folks, a bet is a bet.

I learned that she was his WHITE BUFFALO, White Buffalo, white buffalo, w h i t e b u f f a l o, w h i t e b u f f a l o

I learned that if you got stabbed in the eye in the past, even if you change how things went you still get stabbed in the eye.

I learned that if your name is Lou and you decided to stay behind to relieve that past with all you know of the future if may proved to be financially beneficial. Examples include you starting the web giant Lougle and fronting the band Motley Lou.


I learned this movie was 500 times more entertaining than Clash of the Titans

I learned that if you went to the mountains to ski in 1986 you traveled like you were Hunter S. Thompson with 'shrooms, weed, cocaine and the like.

I learned that if in the present your wife is cheating on you and you call the 9-year old version of her in the past and graphically describe all the terrible things she had done, it will affect her in a way so as to make her never want to cheat in the first place.

I learned that since in 1986 there wasn't twitter, e-mail, facebook or cell phones having to simply find a girl that you met later "sounds like a lot of work"

I learned that if you write fan fiction for deep space 9 that probably makes you the group expert in time travel.

I learned that if you if your black friend has a tall flat tap and you tell him he looks like Kid and Play, the appropriate response is to say "Kid and Play are two people"

I learned that if in the present Crispin Glover only has one arm but in the past has two, it is not only appropriate but acceptable to be bummed every time he doesn't lose his arm in near accidents.

I learned there are lots of other things that are hard to blog about in the PG-13 way.

I learned w h i t e b u f f a l o, w h i t e b u f f a l o

Things I learned from the movie "Clash of the Titans"

I am not going to beat around the bush on this one. This movie is terrible which makes me a little sad on the inside (I know hard to do since fat kids don't have feelings). The writing, the editing, the acting, the choreography, the special effects, the story ALL BAD!



I am begging you, if you have any fondness for the first one with it campy clay-mation and mechanical owl, STAY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE! if you want to see a movie with a rancor, light saber and sand people watch Star Wars episodes 4 and 5.



So in honor of how just bad this movie was Here is what I learned from the bad movie "Clash of the Titans".



I learned that if you have a crap movie and don't want to tell a story drop the ever convienient "12 years later" text on the bottom of the screen. Yeah, that'll do donkey, that'll do.



I learned that Sam Worthington makes bad movies with Terminator Salvation, Avatar and Clash of the Titans under his belt.



Which oddly enough now that I am sitting to write this Worthington plays a Half man/Half Machine a Half Man/Half Navi and a Half Man/Half god in these three movies.... huge range shown in all three roles with great depth of character. I think he is just a terrible heartless actor.



I learned there are lots of movies that Liam Neeson has been in that I would rather watch including but not limited to:

• Love Actually

• The Dead Pool

• Rob Roy (which is a better version of Brave Heart)

• Darkman

• Micheal Collins

• Batman Begins

• Kingdom of Heaven

• Excalibur

• Krull (which oddly enough I also saw at the Merle Hay Theater many years ago so I guess that closes this little circle up nice and tight)

I learned that Ralph Fiennes must really like playing Voldermort because his Hades performance felt like the same guy.



I also learned that there are lots of movies Ralph Fiennes has been in that I would rather watch including but not limited to:

• Red Dragon

• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

• The Hurt Locker( I am so glad this movie received the awards it did and am saddened that Clash of the titans was able to be remade into what it was.)

• Maid in Manhattan

• Strange Days

• Quiz Show

I learned that Gemma Arterton may have just made my list of 10.



I learned that if the next three movies shown at Merle Hay Theater are the Three trailers we Saw (A-Team, The Losers, and Robin Hood) I will see them all there. Love the giant Screen and the loud sound system.



I learned this movie was a soulless, story less, heartless rip off of the original.



I learned that this movie was a rip off of countless other things: original Clash, Star Wars, Gears of War...... Nothing felt honest or right with it.





Please, in the comment section. promise me you won't see this movie. Or that if you have to see the movie Clash of the Titans promise me you will rent the original.



Lastly we went to F&Os before the movie, and had dinner and played trivia. The first game I got in just in time to win HeHeHe

Get to the CHOPPAH!

I gave in and got gas, the computer said 8 miles remaining, I really wanted to just go home, but I had a much better feeling after the 44 dollar fill up that the range said 325 miles. I am such a wimp. $44.00 even, I should have received a discount or something for hitting that amazing-high-expensive-unnecessary number.

TV shows have been pretty OK lately. I am enjoying the new FX Justified. Lost is winding down, nice to learn a little about Richard and Jacob last night. Chuck I am not so sure about, sometimes fun other times feels like they mail it in. Caprica has had some good moments lately too, I am curious to see how he story will change to the people that make it to the Battlestar. Nurse Jackie is DVR'd but not yet watched, I am geeked to see where that show takes everyone. And Dexter is the one I am truly waiting for anxiously. After the way last season ended, I can't wait to see what the writers do with Dexter. The put some new life into something that was a little formula based. And Flashforward I am hoping for big things from.

In 2011 George RR Martin's Game of Thrones is to be on HBO as a mini series/ show. I can't tell you how much I want this to happen. Almost as much As I would like him to finish his fucking next book. My sister sent me this about HBO's Game of Thrones:

Novelist George R.R. Martin, who just Monday blogged that he would be "gutted" if HBO decided not to order to series "Game of Thrones," was doing the "happy dance" Tuesday that he promised if the network moved ahead with the project. Adapted from Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" fantasy epic and shot in Northern Ireland and other European and North African locations in late 2009, "Game of Thrones" will resume production on nine additional episodes in the summer. One of the most anticipated TV series in a while, it probably will premiere in 2011. Written by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, the cast includes Mark Addy, Alfie Allen, Sean Bean, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Peter Dinklage, Jennifer Ehle, Jack Gleeson, Iain Glen, Kit Harrington, Lena Headey, Harry Lloyd, Richard Madden, Rory McCann, Tamzin Merchant, Sophie Turner, Maisie Williams, and Isaac Hempstead Wright. "From the start of this, I've told myself, 'Don't get too emotionally invested in this, or you will be devastated if it doesn't go,' Martin wrote in his blog Monday. "Wise words, those. I'm a smart guy. But easier said than done. I've failed. I am totally emotionally invested, and if HBO does indeed decide to pass, for whatever reason, I will be gutted. So let's all hope I am soon doing the happy dance instead."

Well I too would be gutted if I was deprived not only his next book but his show as well, I hope they stay true to the book. But there are some issues that can be put down on paper that if acted out may turn into a Lolita type problem. I am wondering how they will deal with that. First guess is to just make the children older, but who know....

Instead of music more along the line of Movies I am looking forward to:
The Predator has always been bit of a fun thing with me. Personally I think the Predator is a FANTASTIC movie, I actually really enjoy the second one too. AVP I didn't mind, honestly I never saw the newest one as billy joe's closed before it ever got there. Who would win in a fight? Predator. Who would you draft first? Vick? Peterson? no, Predator. There is no killing what can't be killed, no stopping what can't be stopped.

I am excited for this summer!

Movie Review - Green Zone

Went with Mike to the movie Green Zone starring Matt Damon. There wasn't much funny to learn from the this movie. Fictional Movies trying to find the why, where , when and why of how we were lead to believe there were WMDs in Iraq do not make for funny blogging fodder. A lot of people have given way too much for something that has been shown to be a terrible mistake at best and (as the movie portrays it) the biggest kind of treachery at the worst.

With that said here are a few things I learned from the movie Green Zone:

• I learned that I chuckle every time I hear a a radio conversation contain the word "Niner"
• I learned that every time I see Matt Damon's name or face for the first time on a movie I say out loud "Maaattt Daaammonnn" Thanks Matt Parker and Trey Stone, you have ruined his name for me.
• I learned that after the bad guy gets shot in the movie, and the guy's phone behind you in the theater starts ringing to "Our God, is an Awesome God" it kinda sounded like it was part of the soundtrack at first.

So there is a new movie coming out called "Marmaduke". I wonder what it could be about.

This shot is to show that you dontt have a big enough room to take this promotional piece home. That or is show Mike is actually just a lilliputian.

There were some pretty good trailers. So in lieu of a song here are 2 movies I am looking forward to seeing:

Things I learned from the Movie "Cop Out"

Went to the movie "Cop Out" staring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan Directed by Kevin Smith.

Couldn't decide what movie to go to last night. When Billy Joe's was still open it was easy, there wasn't a choice. What ever was show we went to, unless it was a non-horror musical. For what ever reason I am so over musicals right now. There were a few movies on the "to choose from list":Brooklyn’s Finest, Cop Out, The Crazies, Crazy Heart. I was feeling that a light comedy was a perfect fit for the night so Cop Out was agreed to albeit begrudgingly with Mike. The movie was exactly what I thought it would be, and homage to 80's cop movie partner flicks.

With all that here a few of the things I learned:

I learned that I may be the only person on Earth that thinks Tracy Morgan is funny. It only took for me to realize that Tracy doesn't act, he really is that person and not playing that person. He is a riot.

I learned to tell us about the chicken

I learned that if coworkers are making fun of you and your partner, call your partner sitting next to you and talk about the co-workers in front of them like they aren't there.. When done hang up and say it was nothing.

I learned some boots you don't wear, they wear you.

I learned they call me Mr. Tibbs

I learned that cop comedies with partners for 9 years is funnier that just paired partners.

I learned that Kevin Smith, while too fat for Southwest Airlines, he can direct something he didn't write

I that learned that if it bleeds we can kill it.

I may be one of the only people that find Tracy Morgan funny. I really started liking him once I realized he doesn't act. What you see on the screen is how he is in real life. And that is indeed funny.

I learned Stiffler likes to do parkour, while his cell mate can knit the fuck out of a sweater.

If you take Earl and remove his beard he turns into a rich dick.

I learned that these are not the droids you are looking for.

If a step dad pays for a wedding the ex-wife feels that gives him the right to give the step daughter away at the wedding.

If the step dad tries to stand up to give her away your partner should put the barrel of his gun in the step dad's back and tell him to sit down

I learned we are going to need a bigger boat.

I learned if you nanny cam you wife to see if she is cheating on you. You should watch it all and not just the sexy beginning.

I learned Adam Brody and Kevin Pollak should be played by [insert like looking actor here ugh cant remember his name] and Robert DeNiro, to which Kevin Pollak will change his face to look just like De Niro

I learned that it is best if your boots are made from endangered animals like sea turtles or zebras

I learned you Told Harpo to beat me.

I learned that while your person you are protecting is being questioned by an interpreter eating chips and salsa can be loud

I learned when Tracy Morgan tries to get a suspect to talk he uses lines from movies

I learned that yes they deserved to die, and I hope the burn in hell.

I learned that nobody puts baby in a corner.

I leaned that Bruce Willis killed 11 people tonight

I learned Duck Season. Rabbit Season

I learned that an Andy Pafko card sold for $83,870.00

I learned Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

I learned it was her gay cousin. IT WAS HER GAY COUSIN!

Song of the day: Elastica "Stutter" just catchy with funny lyrics

Oscar - Best Movie

Well I am no one to re-hash old blog posts, heck lately I am not one to post at all but the Oscar for best picture got me thinking. Got me to think that I really feel the best flick did win. So here is my "Things I learned from "The Hurt Locker"" The link actually has a few more things that Mike Learned too. Looking back I must have really enjoyed this movie if the last thing I 'learned' was: I also learned that when the movie is good and tells an interesting story it is hard for me to come up with 100 things funny with it.



The movie "The Hurt Locker" was one that I was geeked to see as I had heard good things about it from the interwebs and the newspaper and the trailer I saw for it on HDnet. Some of the first words up on the screen are "War is a drug." And after seeing what war does to the star of the movie you get a sense of what that means. To get his "fix" he does what ever he can and the more normal he tries to be, the more he wants to be back disarming munitions. The movie had many suspenseful moments and with few explosion. If I remember the count right a movie about disarming bombs had four explosions. Hear that Micheal Bay, you hack of a movie man, you don't need to blow shit up a thousand times to make it exciting, loser.
That said here are a few things I learned from the movie "The Hurt Locker"

I learned that if you have a bomb with a big enough bang to blow up Jesus, you might as well take off you bomb suit so you can die comfortably.

I learned that babies love everything. The mobile, the jack in the, box the stuffed animals.

I also learned that when they get older they will discover the jack in the box is just a box with a stuffed animal.

Additionally they will only come to love two things, but our star of the movie only loved one thing.

I learned that Bravo company only had 38 days left.

I learned that Delta company has 365 days left.

I learned that war is a drug.

I learned that our star is a "wild man".

I learned that he has disarmed 873 bombs.

I learned that the best way to disarm a bomb is in "the way that doesn't get you killed"

I learned that responding to the Question "what is the best way to disarm a bomb?" with the answer "the way that doesn't get you killed" is something a wild man would say.

I learned that "*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive *trigger click* Thompson is still Alive*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive"

I learned that choosing cereal and all groceries can be too daunting a task for someone that wants to be back doing the on thing that they love.

I learned that street vendors speak like they learned English from a NWA rap album in Iraq.

I learned that if Beckham sells him one more DVD that is of shaky unfocused quality, he is going to cut his head off.

I learned he is kidding.

I also learned that when the movie is good and tells an interesting story it is hard for me to come up with 100 things funny with it.

Things I learned from the Movie "The Hurt Locker"

The movie "The Hurt Locker" was one that I was geeked to see as I had heard good things about it from the interwebs and the newspaper and the trailer I saw for it on HDnet. Some of the first words up on the screen are "War is a drug." And after seeing what war does to the star of the movie you get a sense of what that means. To get his "fix" he does what ever he can and the more normal he tries to be, the more he wants to be back disarming munitions. The movie had many suspenseful moments and with few explosion. If I remember the count right a movie about disarming bombs had four explosions. Hear that Micheal Bay, you hack of a movie man, you don't need to blow shit up a thousand times to make it exciting, loser.

That said here are a few things I learned from the movie "The Hurt Locker"

I learned that if you have a bomb with a big enough bang to blow up Jesus, you might as well take off you bomb suit so you can die comfortably.

I learned that babies love everything. The mobile, the jack in the, box the stuffed animals.

I also learned that when they get older they will discover the jack in the box is just a box with a stuffed animal.

Additionally they will only come to love two things, but our star of the movie only loved one thing.

I learned that Bravo company only had 38 days left.

I learned that Delta company has 365 days left.

I learned that war is a drug.

I learned that our star is a "wild man".

I learned that he has disarmed 873 bombs.

I learned that the best way to disarm a bomb is in "the way that doesn't get you killed"

I learned that responding to the Question "what is the best way to disarm a bomb?" with the answer "the way that doesn't get you killed" is something a wild man would say.

I learned that "*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive *trigger click* Thompson is still Alive*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive"

I learned that choosing cereal and all groceries can be too daunting a task for someone that wants to be back doing the on thing that they love.

I learned that street vendors speak like they learned English from a NWA rap album in Iraq.

I learned that if Beckham sells him one more DVD that is of shaky unfocused quality, he is going to cut his head off.

I learned he is kidding.

I also learned that when the movie is good and tells an interesting story it is hard for me to come up with 100 things funny with it.