Things I Like

There are certain things that strike me as funny that others could probably give a rip about let alone find the least be funny. The picture in the this post has made me chuckle for the last few days. All the way since the man mad it dark in the morning and light at night.

Billy Shakespeare wrote:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more;

So which is it? To Be or not to be? Life or Death? The last few mornings, since it is dark when I work out, the lights are still all on in the store fronts. And this liquor store next to Gold's Gym has made the decision:"To Be" LIFE and LIVING. And I salute you!

Song of the day. "Bad Romance" Lady Gaga
The Gaga Law (RAH)² (AH)³ + RO (MA + MAMA) + (GA)² + OOH(LA)² = Bad Romance

A strange thing happend this weekend

So a strange thing happened this weekend to me. No there were no aliens, or drag queen shows involved this time. It happened at the Sprint Store on University. I received quick, prompt, fast, helpful, needed customer service. I know, hard to believe, but true.

A while back Jamie Lou and I got Palm Pre's to use as our primary cell phones. I can't speak for her but it is the best phone I have owned. Except for two things. 1) when you type numbers in by hand to dial a number it beeps and 2) my phone was broke and it thought the ear phone buds where in even when they weren't. That means to talk and HEAR someone on the phone I either needed my ear buds or to be on speaker phone. I found out quickly not being able to hear was no very useful.

So on Saturday we were out running errands and Jamie Lou asked if I had anymore things to do before we went home, and I said take me to the Sprint Store. She started to head to Merle Hay and I said no, that we needed to go to University to the main store where the techs are. She the through a fit about how awful a place it is. I don't know if she really ever had a traumatic event happen to her there or if she is just imagining horror from other's stories...

I told her to go to the book store, but she was determined to come in and see the awfulness that is Sprint Customer Service.

We came in and were third in line to be queued into the wait list. Within 1 minute we were on the "to talk to someone list" and within another 1 minute we were talking to a guy that says "Sure we can fix it" He mentioned it might take a few minutes.

So Jamie Lou and I waltzed over to Rock Bottom for a drink and a snack of pizza (which was pretty good) and headed back over.

When we got there we were informed that the phone wasn't "fixable" so I was getting a new phone. So just like that broken phone gone, new working phone in. Only bad thing is that I think(actually I know) I lost all phone numbers that I didn't have backed to my computer which is a bunch. So if I don't call it is prolly because I no longer have your phone number, so you text me with your name or shoot me an e-mail with your number and I will get them entered back in to the Pre.

So just when you think the terrorists have won, you get great service and a place people hate to go to. I gotta say, it was a good day.

Song of the Day: "Shiva" The Smashing Pumpkins I don't live - I Inhale, I don't give - I unveil......Got to see this played Live in Ames many years ago, Billy plays a better axe than I ever knew

Things I learned from the Movie "Cop Out"

Went to the movie "Cop Out" staring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan Directed by Kevin Smith.

Couldn't decide what movie to go to last night. When Billy Joe's was still open it was easy, there wasn't a choice. What ever was show we went to, unless it was a non-horror musical. For what ever reason I am so over musicals right now. There were a few movies on the "to choose from list":Brooklyn’s Finest, Cop Out, The Crazies, Crazy Heart. I was feeling that a light comedy was a perfect fit for the night so Cop Out was agreed to albeit begrudgingly with Mike. The movie was exactly what I thought it would be, and homage to 80's cop movie partner flicks.

With all that here a few of the things I learned:

I learned that I may be the only person on Earth that thinks Tracy Morgan is funny. It only took for me to realize that Tracy doesn't act, he really is that person and not playing that person. He is a riot.

I learned to tell us about the chicken

I learned that if coworkers are making fun of you and your partner, call your partner sitting next to you and talk about the co-workers in front of them like they aren't there.. When done hang up and say it was nothing.

I learned some boots you don't wear, they wear you.

I learned they call me Mr. Tibbs

I learned that cop comedies with partners for 9 years is funnier that just paired partners.

I learned that Kevin Smith, while too fat for Southwest Airlines, he can direct something he didn't write

I that learned that if it bleeds we can kill it.

I may be one of the only people that find Tracy Morgan funny. I really started liking him once I realized he doesn't act. What you see on the screen is how he is in real life. And that is indeed funny.

I learned Stiffler likes to do parkour, while his cell mate can knit the fuck out of a sweater.

If you take Earl and remove his beard he turns into a rich dick.

I learned that these are not the droids you are looking for.

If a step dad pays for a wedding the ex-wife feels that gives him the right to give the step daughter away at the wedding.

If the step dad tries to stand up to give her away your partner should put the barrel of his gun in the step dad's back and tell him to sit down

I learned we are going to need a bigger boat.

I learned if you nanny cam you wife to see if she is cheating on you. You should watch it all and not just the sexy beginning.

I learned Adam Brody and Kevin Pollak should be played by [insert like looking actor here ugh cant remember his name] and Robert DeNiro, to which Kevin Pollak will change his face to look just like De Niro

I learned that it is best if your boots are made from endangered animals like sea turtles or zebras

I learned you Told Harpo to beat me.

I learned that while your person you are protecting is being questioned by an interpreter eating chips and salsa can be loud

I learned when Tracy Morgan tries to get a suspect to talk he uses lines from movies

I learned that yes they deserved to die, and I hope the burn in hell.

I learned that nobody puts baby in a corner.

I leaned that Bruce Willis killed 11 people tonight

I learned Duck Season. Rabbit Season

I learned that an Andy Pafko card sold for $83,870.00

I learned Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

I learned it was her gay cousin. IT WAS HER GAY COUSIN!

Song of the day: Elastica "Stutter" just catchy with funny lyrics

what to say

Sometimes I just sit here and have nothing to say. Not sure if it is because last night was on the boring side for me, but I don't think that is it. Could be that nothing funny happened around me, a little closer. Or it could be that I am just not that creative, may be a little too close to the truth to want to admit.....

Well even with all the crappy work place issues that have been going around, thus far Jamie Lou and I have weathered the storm. She was even lucky enough to get a little extra from her company in the form of a bonus. Now seeing where I work I had never heard of this word. So I had to look it up:

1. something given, paid, or received above what is due or expected - ex. a Christmas bonus for all employees

Interesting concept, I have never received one, but that is getting off point.....

So her little extra hit the account yesterday, and lucky enough for her that not only does she like nice things, but she works hard and deserves them. The last few years the reward of choice has been a Coach purse. And why not? They are a statement and look nice. Unfortunately I have had to insert myself into the purse buying process. For what ever reason this fashionable, smart chick is broken when it comes to purse selecting. Case in point, last night the first one she picks is a hand bag that is the color of old woman's underwear. Truly horrible. "But I like it," she says. The next one is this gray number. Because hey, what says spring has sprung like a ugly gray purse? I got her narrowed down to two more festive choices, and then she made the final decision. See how I do that, get it down to only good choices, then it is win-win. She gets something nice, and I am nor embarrassed to be seen with it. Some people say "Don;t you have enough purses?!?!" I say, that is why you work hard and get ahead, so if you want fun stuff, you can have it.

Song of the day: The Raconteurs "Steady, As She Goes" I think I have a man-crush on Jack White

Global Warming

Help is what is needed, and in the worst of ways. Friday My trash cans were able to sit on the ground and not on 3 feet of snow in my front yard. If this Global Warming continues I will soon be able to take the cans to the street by quietly rolling them through the thick green grass instead of noisily down the broken beat up driveway. This is madness and if we don't find a way to make it colder and keep snow around I may even have to rake or mow. This is crazy talk!

On a completely different line of thought I do love pandora on my palm pre, hook it up to the USB and rock out at work, and maybe block out other noise like that effing printer that never stops running all day.

Song of the day: The White Stripes "My Doorbell" When you gunna ring it, when you gunna ring it?

Oscar - Best Movie

Well I am no one to re-hash old blog posts, heck lately I am not one to post at all but the Oscar for best picture got me thinking. Got me to think that I really feel the best flick did win. So here is my "Things I learned from "The Hurt Locker"" The link actually has a few more things that Mike Learned too. Looking back I must have really enjoyed this movie if the last thing I 'learned' was: I also learned that when the movie is good and tells an interesting story it is hard for me to come up with 100 things funny with it.



The movie "The Hurt Locker" was one that I was geeked to see as I had heard good things about it from the interwebs and the newspaper and the trailer I saw for it on HDnet. Some of the first words up on the screen are "War is a drug." And after seeing what war does to the star of the movie you get a sense of what that means. To get his "fix" he does what ever he can and the more normal he tries to be, the more he wants to be back disarming munitions. The movie had many suspenseful moments and with few explosion. If I remember the count right a movie about disarming bombs had four explosions. Hear that Micheal Bay, you hack of a movie man, you don't need to blow shit up a thousand times to make it exciting, loser.
That said here are a few things I learned from the movie "The Hurt Locker"

I learned that if you have a bomb with a big enough bang to blow up Jesus, you might as well take off you bomb suit so you can die comfortably.

I learned that babies love everything. The mobile, the jack in the, box the stuffed animals.

I also learned that when they get older they will discover the jack in the box is just a box with a stuffed animal.

Additionally they will only come to love two things, but our star of the movie only loved one thing.

I learned that Bravo company only had 38 days left.

I learned that Delta company has 365 days left.

I learned that war is a drug.

I learned that our star is a "wild man".

I learned that he has disarmed 873 bombs.

I learned that the best way to disarm a bomb is in "the way that doesn't get you killed"

I learned that responding to the Question "what is the best way to disarm a bomb?" with the answer "the way that doesn't get you killed" is something a wild man would say.

I learned that "*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive *trigger click* Thompson is still Alive*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive*trigger click* Thompson is still Alive"

I learned that choosing cereal and all groceries can be too daunting a task for someone that wants to be back doing the on thing that they love.

I learned that street vendors speak like they learned English from a NWA rap album in Iraq.

I learned that if Beckham sells him one more DVD that is of shaky unfocused quality, he is going to cut his head off.

I learned he is kidding.

I also learned that when the movie is good and tells an interesting story it is hard for me to come up with 100 things funny with it.

re-birth, and re-launch, and a re-start

Not sure if it should be called a re-birth, and re-launch, and a re-start. But that is what I am doing starting today, re-starting both An Iowan's Random Rambles and Run Fat Cam Run.
With as much effort as I put in getting my interwebs back up at home I think getting back into blogging is the least I could do.

It started on Wednesday, the interwebs stopped. The modem showed no activity, the activity light would flick on every once in a while. After way too many beers Friday night I decided I would fix the modem. Let me just tell you, know that punching the modem only really serves to completely break it and not as intended to "fix it". Actually I would recommend not punching any electronics if they aren't functioning as expected (see, this re-launch is going to be educational as well as entertaining at least to me).

So off to Best Buy Sunday night I went and got a new Zoom cable modem. Hook it up, and it was a no go. Then I remember to activate your modem with mediacom there is a website to go to.
Hmmm, well I have no internets... just so happens my friend Keith calls and he does some digging. He finally finds a usable IP. Once I get into that, it wants my account number and confirmation number.

Hmmm, well we switched to paper-less on-line only paperwork. Jamie Lou was nice enough to dig up a bill from 2006. That has the account number but no confirmation number.
I call Keith back, He does more research for me he suggests try the last 9 numbers of the account number for the confirmation, Hey that works.

Now to authorize the modem swap I need a technician's number...
OMG when will this ever end?

Just then the Mediacom customer service line answers (did I mention I have been on hold with mediacom for the last 45 minutes? no? well I was). I hang up with Keith and explain to my new customer service friend that I am activating a new modem and need a technician's number. Before I can react she says I need tech support and I am on hold again. If only I could have gotten to this website I would have used it : USE IN CASE OF EMERGENCY.

Luckily this time it was only a 5 or 10 minute wait. I explain to him that I need a technician's number and he proceeds to say any number 1 - 999999 would have worked. Again: USE IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. I put in 999999, and magically nothing happens. Another 30 minutes with a VERY helpful tech (and that isn't sarcasm, really it isn't, he was very helpful) I got all the DNS server issues and MAC address issues sorted out and Casa D'Christensen was back on the tubes to the internets. Strangely enough this new modem is much faster compared to the old one. So the moral to the story? Sometimes drinking a gallon of beer and smashing what you think is the problem does end up being a first step to finding the solution.

Strangest thing I heard this weekend? "Well this last couple I dated, The husband wanted me to pee on him so I told him, 'Get in the tub.'"

Second strangest? "I saw you sitting there and wanted to talk to you. You see I am friends with 12 Alpha Males, but I am the top Alpha Male. So I know how to be in charge."

Song of the day: System of a Down "Sugar" In the end it all goes away......